Justin Deaton

I love Jesus. If you know me then hopefully this won't come as a surprise. Just keep that in mind while the 7 of you who actually read this read this. The wise Rhett Pierce once said "I love basketball and I love women, but I hate woman's basketball." So I was thinking of two other things I enjoy on their own, just not together. I love pudding and I love pants, just not a fan of pudding pants. I love riding around in a wheelchair, and I love people who are handicapped, but its just not as fun being with a handicapped person and only one wheelchair because that means I have to walk and they can do wheelies. I love christians and I love Facebook, but I cannot stand christians on Facebook. Remember these are my opinions and my beliefs, these are in noway true for everyone this is just how I perceive it. I know we are to go into all the world and share the gospel so I'm sure that means Facebook as well but I think we should strive to do it in a less annoying way. Here are a few statues of a friend of mine. "Lets be honest it's easier to talk to God about men, then it is to talk to men 

about GOD. - Ray Comfort..only 2% of CHRISTians really witness - Bill Bright.......Get out and share CHRIST may we witness!! Be strong!! Be courageous!! It is our privilege to share CHRIST!!! Glory to GOD!! Go out to the highways and hedges!!" Okay that isn't  too bad, just full of awesome cliches. Here is another one that really stuck out to me: Everyone....My word...GOD is beyond words...HE is Indescribable..HE loves you!....He- GOD...LOVES you......I pray today if you do not know JESUS CHRIST....please asking HIM into your life today...Im going to ask you to do something please watch the video on my wall entitled Eric Ludy- The Gospel...To the lost- ask HIM to save you, repent of your sin...to the CHRISTian- We have a command to be obeyed...not a suggestion..a Command...may we do it today..love you guys..GLORY TO GOD! I feel if I saw that and I wasn't a christian I would just be really confused. I would have so many questions but my first question would be if his CAPS lock button was 

messing up while he was typing. Take it for what its worth I just feel like if we are going to live for Jesus He does deserve the best. So if we are called to give Him the best than why do Christians have the worst music, movies, and cliches. There are so many awful christian cliches out there so I decide to make a top 10 list of terrible cliches and phrases.

10- You need to get saved

9- Hells too hot and eternity is too long 

8- Now with everyones eyes closed and heads bowed raise your hand if you aren't 100% sure of your 
     salvation 

7- Hate the sin not the sinner

6- I have 3 unspoken prayer request

5- God is doing some big stuff here. (I'm pretty sure God does big stuff everywhere, not just America) 

4- If you have secular friends than you may have a heart issue.  

3- We had 17 people accept Christ tonight (Why do numbers matter and usually 6 of those same people   
     accepted last week)

2- (insert anything Toby Mac has ever said in his life)

1- If your booty moves to the music before your heart does than you need to change the station. 

I'm really not bitter for being spiritually abused in high school, I find it pretty entertaining now. I just feel sorry for those so stuck in their own ways they miss out and never realize that there is more to their American fun-sucking Jesus than what they have been brainwashed into thinking. There was one time when I brought my NIV to the strictly KJV only Bible study and how much trouble I got in for bringing it. I could have brought in a Koran in and gotten less flack for it, mostly because most the people there probably had no idea what a Koran was. One of the girls told me that I was using the "Satan Bible" and also it was the New Idiots Version, they were really clever. 


So as a man there are certain unspoken man rules. Like whenever you're in the bathroom at the urinal you can only look straight ahead, never talk to the stranger next to you and never ever make eye contact with the person next to you. If you have to use a stall the handicapped stalls are always fair game, but if you walk out and there is a actual handicapped person waiting to go than you better start limping or appear handicapped. 


Here is an updated life plan. Find 3 other guys and move to LA for the summer. Get a job as a waiter to pay rent and audition for everything available just to get my name out there. I'm so tired of not being famous I mean I just broke 1,000 Facebook friends, only 1,000 how weak is that? After I become famous, move to 

Australia and become Australian. 

"I use to play sports then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything" -Demetri Martin

Later, JG

Kristin Chenoweth

Whenever you think of John Grant you immediately think of a 4th grade teacher right? That is exactly why you will find me every Monday Wednesday and Friday at Will Rodgers Elementary school tutoring 4th graders. Today was my first day and it was awesome. Not awesome as in I really enjoy helping kids learn how to read good and do other things good too, but awesome as in the kids say some of the funniest stuff ever. Like today when I was helping the teacher who was a little bit scattered one of the girls told me that she usually isn't this crazy but she had coffee and a red bull this morning. I also had a kid try to hustle me with some Dragon Ball Z cards. He told me that each card he had was worth $5 on ebay but he would sell all 36 of his cards to me for $100. They were a neat item but I had to get it for the right price. A lot of times 4th graders will come in with items that have a lot of sentimental value but I'm about money so we weren't able to make a deal or do any paper work (first one to message me and can name that reference gets a shout out in my next blog). My biggest fear about being a tutor is having a kid piss in my backpack. Seriously with my bag plus the books inside, someone could buy a moped. All kids under the 9th grade seem the same to me. I told this one kid to go back to his seat in my nice voice and he told me that he wasn't a 2nd grader and to talk to him like a young man, brat.

It's pretty obvious that I'm a big deal but I didn't realize how popular I was going to become within the first three weeks of school. I'm terrible with names and white people look exactly the same to me so I seriously don't call anyone I've met by their name. It's always a hey man or how's it going sport. I'm not sure how long I can keep this up.

Tomorrow the OSU game is on ESPN and myself and some friends have been camping out since Monday night. You all should watch and look for me, I will be painted all orange and wearing my black Speedo.

Apart from tutoring I also sell my plasma as a form of income. The people at the clinic are so nice and friendly they boost my self esteem every time I go in. They are always telling me how nice my veins are and how diseaseless my body is. There are two black guys who work there so they are hilarious, that just goes without saying. Every time they tell me I look like a celebrity. The first time I was told I look just like James Marsden, told you I like these people. Yesterday I was told I look just like Stiffler. I mean I usually get Brad Pitt or Matt Damon but those guys aren't bad either. Selling plasma is looked down upon because people who usually sell are prostitutes and drug dealers. I sell because it really helps people and I need money. It's a win win. Plus I just want to help those around me, and by giving up and hour of my week and 32 ounces of my plasma I can make a difference in Stillwater (plus I really need root beer money).

"I think crime pays, the hours are good and you travel a lot"

Later, JG

Presidential Debate

Well it has been way too long since I have blogged last. So much has happened so here is a quick recap. Summer was great, I sweat a lot, now I'm back in school. That being said I have noticed that there are a few differences between Liberty University and Oklahoma state. I'm not going to bash LU because honestly there are a few great people out there, but I didn't quite realize how weird that school really is until I went to a state school. So here is a list of the things that come to mind: at OSU people treat you like an adult, girls are allowed in your room even when the door is shut, ESPN in my room, teachers don't take attendance, laundry is free, when you get a package it is actually delivered to your dorm, our football team is nationally ranked, you can wear hats in class and wear whatever you want to, no curfew, the girls here aren't desperately trying to get married, and we have Greek life. But to be fair LU had some things OSU doesn't. Including: trampoline basketball, mandatory chapel with the same message 3 times a week, fines other than parking tickets, a ski slope, and girls who desperately want to get married. There are also a few things these schools have in common: math teachers who have no idea what they are talking about, douche bag long-boarders who try to ride as close to you as possible, Asians that travel in large groups, and plenty of blogging material.

Things at OSU are going great, honestly the best school I have ever attended (sorry mom).

"College isn't the place to go for ideas"- Helen Keller.

Later, JG

Kaitlin's 2nd Bday Post

So today, April 30th, is not only the birth date of Willie Nelson and Kristen Dunst, but also my little sister Kaitlin's birthday. So in honor of your 18th birthday, I would just like to bring up some of the good memories that you may have forgotten. (If your not Kaitlin you probably won't get any of these, but thanks for reading anyway) So here it goes. First I would like to apologize for the following: Sorry for always acting like I didn't remember the dumb things we did growing up whenever you brought them up in front of my "cool" friends (I remembered everyone) sorry for playing the song "Saturn has a ring around it" but singing "Kaitlin has a ring around her" whenever you got your headgear. Sorry for when we fought always bringing up the time when you got beat up by that African American girl at my baseball game just because I knew it would make you cry. Seriously I still feel terrible for all of that. Sorry for hiding from you whenever I was with my friends in the neighborhood. Sorry about Buford. Sorry for always telling you that you had a tick on your arm when it was really, well never mind... Ice cream sandwiches, hot dogs. Oh and now that I have confessed everything I can think of let me just say I never farted on your pillow to give you pink eye, never!

Anyway your welcome for all the friends I gave you in high school. Your welcome for paving the way of your student body presidency by being elected 2 years prior and staring the tradition (lots of pressure Annie). On a different note I can't tell you how proud of you I am Kaitlin. I can't wait to work with you this summer and its going to be such a blessing having you at JBU in the Fall!

"Have you seen that show Parks and Re-creation? Kaitlin don't you mean parks and recreation? oh yeah that one" -Kaitlin Grant.

Later, JG

Turbo Tax

I wasn't a bad kid. I grew up in a normal southern town in North Carolina. I had 3 best friends around my age and we did, for the most part, normal things. Justin was the kid with all the new toys, Brian was the one who we got to try all of our stupid ideas, and Josh, well he came up with the stupid ideas for us to get Brian to do. Myself and Brian are two of the most competitive people you will ever meet. He is two years older than I am but I was far more athletic. One time in middle school (I was in middle school Brian was in high school) we were playing hide and seek in Justin's basement. The rules were turn out all the lights and first one to be found was it. My strategy was to make Brian laugh and then find him easily. This worked all the time because even as a middle schooler, I was hilarious. Brian hated this so much that he tried something new, he hid with a pillow. Every time he would start laughing he would place his head in the pillow so I wouldn't hear him. This worked at first, but lets remember, I was hilarious. Out of nowhere I hear this laughing but soon, very soon it turns to crying. Apparently Brian was laughing so hard he pissed himself. There are a few theories of why I believe Brian started crying. 1. He cried all the time about everything. 2. His pants were drenched with urine and he was in high school. 3. He was now it and I beat him once again. He also crapped himself a few times but that's for a different time.

When I say I wasn't a bad kid I'm being serious. I did rebellious things every now and then but nothing too serious. One time Josh stole a cigarette from his mom and we both ran off into the woods to try it for the first time. We ended up getting caught. We didn't get caught because we smelt like smoke, we got caught because we used so much cologne to cover the smell of the smoke that is was pretty obvious what we were doing. I mean two middle school boys grabbing a lighter and running off into the woods and coming back ten minutes later smelling like Clay Aiken's house after his weekly Glee party can be a bit suspicious.
The first time I ever "drank" alcohol was also with Josh. Myself and about 7 other hooligans stole a Watermelon Smirnoff containing almost 3% alcohol and each had about half a sip. We got caught. Apparently its easier for moms to keep track of a 6 pack than we were expecting. We worked out a deal, I would do yard work all day and my parents wouldn't be told.
Josh went to a different school than I did so I was home whenever his bus dropped him off at the end of the school day. He was picking on me for being soft and told me he would give me $5 to throw a egg at his school bus. I was determined to prove myself so I promised I would do it the next day. It was about 15 minutes before the bus was expected to come so I stole an egg from my fridge and ran off into the woods to find my place of attack. I soon found out that running with an egg in your pocket can be problematic so I ran back home, changed into pants without a broken egg in them, stole a second egg and tried again (all of this 100% true by the way). I found my spot in the woods right next to the road, and with an egg in my hand I was ready. The bus appeared in the distance and I started getting nervous. My mind wondered and began getting paranoid that it was going to hit the wind shield and cause the bus to wreck and the police were going to find me. I also knew I had to prove I wasn't soft so when the bus drove by I stood up and as hard as I could I threw that egg at the bus... and missed the bus completely. The bus dropped off Josh and I slowly walked towards him ready to be made fun of. When he saw me he looked scared and told me to run home. So for the second time that afternoon I ran home, this time without a broken egg in pocket. Josh soon came over and told me what had happened. Apparently I didn't miss, in fact the egg I threw made its way through an open bus window and hit a girl right in the face! Josh also said that the bus driver saw me throw it and did in fact call the police. Luckily, only in the situation, I was home schooled so the bus driver had no idea who I was. I not only gained $5 that day, I also gained the respect of a middle school friend who I haven't talked to in 7 years. Worth it!

Jackass, which was a TV show at the time, heavily influenced me and my friends. We had this sweet camcorder where you would place the actual VHS tape inside and record whatever you wanted to for about two hours. Needless to say we began filming "Jackbutt" ( I wasn't allowed to say ass or I would have been grounded). The first few hours went great! We were doing awesome stunts and no ones parents saw us so there was no one to stop us. I was so proud of my work I decided to show my parents what I had done. During the final stunt one of the guys drops a nice four letter word that the video camera caught perfectly. And these were literally the next words to come out, "Way to go man, now John can't show his parents". Yes I was the only church goer out of my friends. Yes I would have shown my parents our masterpiece had not one of my friends slipped up. Yes I would have been in more trouble had I shown my parents the tape even with out the profanity. Yes I understand now how terrible an idea "Jackbutt" was.

"If you're gonna be dumb you gotta be tough" - Roger Allan Wade.

Later, JG

Corned beef and cabbage recipe

So awhile back my phone died and Verizon sent me a new one. I decided to sell the one they sent me and buy a different model. So naturally I went to the place one would sell such an item, that's right ebay. Ebay was created back in 1995 by a couple of friends who decided it was way too much work to leave your house and buy an item you need. I mean why buy something from someone you actually have to see and might have to talk to when you can just sit in your house/parents basement and have the item delivered to you. Think about it. You purchase an item, someone else mails it to you, some other someone else brings its to you and all you have to do is pick it up on your porch. I mean think of all the Star Trek you would miss out on if you had to go buy it yourself and you might even run into a real person who would possibly want to have a real conversation with you. So anyway I put my phone up and this is what happened.

After the first few days I started getting bids immediately. I mean seriously guys this was a Motorola Rival, these things may not be smart phones but they are pretty high up there. I can't even say that these phones suck. Seriously this is the type of phone that would be happy with the C-. So anyway the phone sells, I ship it, I get the money everything is great, or so I thought. I get an email saying that they no longer need the phone and would like to return it. Myself, being the sensitive, thoughtful, caring person that I am explained that I already shipped it and could not accept a return. 3 weeks later I get another email saying the phone doesn't work and would like a return. Myself, being the sometimes sensitive, occasionally thoughtful, almost always caring person that I am explained that the warranty on the phone had expired and I would not be able to accept a return. I later find that they had filed a case against me and that the ebay police were reviewing the case. I sent in all the information they needed to know and the court found the buyer innocent and myself guilty. I appealed the case stating that the buyer had been shady, yes shady, and the phone worked perfectly whenever I sent it. My appeal was denied and they took back the money straight out of my bank account, which is very disturbing that they can do that. Myself being the blunt, annoyed, honestly pissed off person ebay had transformed me into, I called customer support because they had clearly made a mistake. After being on hold for half an hour listening to music that made me miss the sound of Humble Tip (side not, Humble Tip is a christian rap artist from Liberty University. Seriously his music is the worse thing to happen to christians since the Dove awards, Point of Grace, and possibly even Bible man). I finally got through to a man who speaks very little English. Who knew that ebay was a international thing? So he asks me my name and no joke uses it twice in every sentence. I thought I was being Punked. There is no reason to say "Hello John thank you for calling customer support John, what may I help you with John?" I finally get him to transfer me over to someone else and they again deny my request. I would like to apologize for some of the things I said to him. This is a blog that the entire family can sit around together and read so I won't go into further detail.

So there I was a beaten man. $60 out of my bank account and a broken phone on my desk. So what does one do in such a situation? They write a sarcastic email to the buyer. Who cares about being the bigger man, getting the last word in is what it is all about. Well ladies and Luke Stehr (the one guy who consistently reads this) here is that email.

Dear, *********

Okay I got the phone back in the mail yesterday and you're right its not working. I'm guessing something happened to it while it was being shipped I really don't know because it worked fine before I shipped it. It's just so strange how a phone you didn't want anymore just happened to stop working once you got it. But I'm so happy you got your money back. I mean I highly doubt you would lie just for money. I'm also sorry I didn't make the warranty on the phone longer. I mean one week just isn't enough time to turn on a phone see if it works and email me to let me know there is a problem. But in the end everything worked out right? I mean you no longer have the phone you didn't want to buy, you have your money back and I have the phone I originally had so everyone is happy. I mean its not like I want a working phone or anything oh and paying the extra money for the shipping, no big deal. I'm a college student so I have tons of extra cash just laying around. I mean I would much rather pay for your shipping than have to go to the movies with my friends, pay my bills or anything like that. I just want you to be happy. Also I'm glad you gave me negative feedback, I deserve it. Just let me thank you for all the potential buyers I might have. I'm clearly a jerk who just wants to rip people off. Getting ebay involved was a very classy move because I obviously was not going to help you. Man they should just take my ebay account away if I'm going to be this irresponsible. I would also like to say that I'm sorry it took you an entire week to make it to a Verizon store. Those phones are just so complicated to turn on. How were you suppose to know that phone wasn't working, they make that on button so difficult sometimes. Well I could go on all day but I'm reaching my word limit. I hope this email finds you well and that the rest of your ebay experience will be a positive one. Stay classy *** **************.(her name not swear words)
P.S You didn't need to break my phone you could have just sent it back. I mean that's something a senior in high school would do.

-jgdechamp

Yes I lied about being a college student and yes I used google and facebook to find this person, and yes according to facebook this person is a senior in high school.

"A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advise"- Bill Cosby.

Later, JG

Charlie Sheen

I don't hate animals let me go ahead and throw that out there. Yes Michael Vick is one of my favorite athletes. This is not because of what he did off the field but more due to the fact that I have been to his house (yes it was his lake house, yes I only stood on his pier, no he did not know I was there). So last weekend I got the pleasure of removing a very dead opossum away from the ball field where parents would soon be picking up their children. As I got closer to the already very much dead varmint I noticed four 5th grade girls standing by it. They apparently had a funeral for "Linda" and cover it in grass. I scooped it up with the shovel and one of the girls asked me how their new friend had died. As I'm holding this sick excuse of an animal with its mouth open, tongue out, blood stained fur, obvious male parts exposed for all the world to see. I just told her that it died of cancer then she took this information to the other girls and yelled, "It's okay Linda died of cancer, I bet she didn't even feel it." Man I love stupid children. I then drive Linda, who is in fact obviously a male, down a trail so that I may dispose of its carcass. I am being completely honest when I say this but as soon as I step out of the truck there is a nous already tied and a perfect fit for Linda. Okay put yourself in my situation, you have a rope and a dead animal and way too much time on your hands. So naturally I did what anyone else in this situation would have done. I slid the knot around its head and hung it in a tree over a small waterfall. Guys if God did not want me to do this the rope would not have been there for me to do this. I think He was testing me like He tested Abraham with his son. I was waiting for the ram to appear but it never showed up therefore it wasn't my fault it was the rams. Therefore any college team that uses a ram as their mascot is clearly sinning against God. Don't get upset with me these are just the facts. Anyway I had no intention of leaving it up there for very long just long enough to show Garret and hear his laugh. Which now that I think of it, if that did happen it would have lasted longer than I thought. So of course I forget to tell Garret and someone else finds it and sends out a few emails asking who this sick person is that would do that to a poor animal. Whoops.

So in my new place there are a few mice. I was sleeping on the couch one night and one of these little demons ran out of the kitchen right towards me and scurried underneath where I was sleeping. I honestly sleep on the couch every night now with a knife just waiting for Stuart Little to try to pull a stunt like that again.

I would like to take this time and thank all of you that read this. I would also like to thank my international supporters including the 24 of you in Russia who read this and the 8 in Guadeloupe. I do apologize for not knowing that your country even exist but hey even I learn something new everyday. If numbers continue as normal I will reach 3,000 views this month including readers from 10 different countries. I will soon be adding advertisement on the side so if you or someone you know would like some international publicity contact myself, John Grant, and I will be happy to give you an estaminet.

"I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted the glory, I wanted the fame. I wanted the pretty girls to come up to me and say, 'Hi, I see you're good at Centipede'."- Walter Day

Later, JG