Presidential Debate

Well it has been way too long since I have blogged last. So much has happened so here is a quick recap. Summer was great, I sweat a lot, now I'm back in school. That being said I have noticed that there are a few differences between Liberty University and Oklahoma state. I'm not going to bash LU because honestly there are a few great people out there, but I didn't quite realize how weird that school really is until I went to a state school. So here is a list of the things that come to mind: at OSU people treat you like an adult, girls are allowed in your room even when the door is shut, ESPN in my room, teachers don't take attendance, laundry is free, when you get a package it is actually delivered to your dorm, our football team is nationally ranked, you can wear hats in class and wear whatever you want to, no curfew, the girls here aren't desperately trying to get married, and we have Greek life. But to be fair LU had some things OSU doesn't. Including: trampoline basketball, mandatory chapel with the same message 3 times a week, fines other than parking tickets, a ski slope, and girls who desperately want to get married. There are also a few things these schools have in common: math teachers who have no idea what they are talking about, douche bag long-boarders who try to ride as close to you as possible, Asians that travel in large groups, and plenty of blogging material.

Things at OSU are going great, honestly the best school I have ever attended (sorry mom).

"College isn't the place to go for ideas"- Helen Keller.

Later, JG

Kaitlin's 2nd Bday Post

So today, April 30th, is not only the birth date of Willie Nelson and Kristen Dunst, but also my little sister Kaitlin's birthday. So in honor of your 18th birthday, I would just like to bring up some of the good memories that you may have forgotten. (If your not Kaitlin you probably won't get any of these, but thanks for reading anyway) So here it goes. First I would like to apologize for the following: Sorry for always acting like I didn't remember the dumb things we did growing up whenever you brought them up in front of my "cool" friends (I remembered everyone) sorry for playing the song "Saturn has a ring around it" but singing "Kaitlin has a ring around her" whenever you got your headgear. Sorry for when we fought always bringing up the time when you got beat up by that African American girl at my baseball game just because I knew it would make you cry. Seriously I still feel terrible for all of that. Sorry for hiding from you whenever I was with my friends in the neighborhood. Sorry about Buford. Sorry for always telling you that you had a tick on your arm when it was really, well never mind... Ice cream sandwiches, hot dogs. Oh and now that I have confessed everything I can think of let me just say I never farted on your pillow to give you pink eye, never!

Anyway your welcome for all the friends I gave you in high school. Your welcome for paving the way of your student body presidency by being elected 2 years prior and staring the tradition (lots of pressure Annie). On a different note I can't tell you how proud of you I am Kaitlin. I can't wait to work with you this summer and its going to be such a blessing having you at JBU in the Fall!

"Have you seen that show Parks and Re-creation? Kaitlin don't you mean parks and recreation? oh yeah that one" -Kaitlin Grant.

Later, JG

Turbo Tax

I wasn't a bad kid. I grew up in a normal southern town in North Carolina. I had 3 best friends around my age and we did, for the most part, normal things. Justin was the kid with all the new toys, Brian was the one who we got to try all of our stupid ideas, and Josh, well he came up with the stupid ideas for us to get Brian to do. Myself and Brian are two of the most competitive people you will ever meet. He is two years older than I am but I was far more athletic. One time in middle school (I was in middle school Brian was in high school) we were playing hide and seek in Justin's basement. The rules were turn out all the lights and first one to be found was it. My strategy was to make Brian laugh and then find him easily. This worked all the time because even as a middle schooler, I was hilarious. Brian hated this so much that he tried something new, he hid with a pillow. Every time he would start laughing he would place his head in the pillow so I wouldn't hear him. This worked at first, but lets remember, I was hilarious. Out of nowhere I hear this laughing but soon, very soon it turns to crying. Apparently Brian was laughing so hard he pissed himself. There are a few theories of why I believe Brian started crying. 1. He cried all the time about everything. 2. His pants were drenched with urine and he was in high school. 3. He was now it and I beat him once again. He also crapped himself a few times but that's for a different time.

When I say I wasn't a bad kid I'm being serious. I did rebellious things every now and then but nothing too serious. One time Josh stole a cigarette from his mom and we both ran off into the woods to try it for the first time. We ended up getting caught. We didn't get caught because we smelt like smoke, we got caught because we used so much cologne to cover the smell of the smoke that is was pretty obvious what we were doing. I mean two middle school boys grabbing a lighter and running off into the woods and coming back ten minutes later smelling like Clay Aiken's house after his weekly Glee party can be a bit suspicious.
The first time I ever "drank" alcohol was also with Josh. Myself and about 7 other hooligans stole a Watermelon Smirnoff containing almost 3% alcohol and each had about half a sip. We got caught. Apparently its easier for moms to keep track of a 6 pack than we were expecting. We worked out a deal, I would do yard work all day and my parents wouldn't be told.
Josh went to a different school than I did so I was home whenever his bus dropped him off at the end of the school day. He was picking on me for being soft and told me he would give me $5 to throw a egg at his school bus. I was determined to prove myself so I promised I would do it the next day. It was about 15 minutes before the bus was expected to come so I stole an egg from my fridge and ran off into the woods to find my place of attack. I soon found out that running with an egg in your pocket can be problematic so I ran back home, changed into pants without a broken egg in them, stole a second egg and tried again (all of this 100% true by the way). I found my spot in the woods right next to the road, and with an egg in my hand I was ready. The bus appeared in the distance and I started getting nervous. My mind wondered and began getting paranoid that it was going to hit the wind shield and cause the bus to wreck and the police were going to find me. I also knew I had to prove I wasn't soft so when the bus drove by I stood up and as hard as I could I threw that egg at the bus... and missed the bus completely. The bus dropped off Josh and I slowly walked towards him ready to be made fun of. When he saw me he looked scared and told me to run home. So for the second time that afternoon I ran home, this time without a broken egg in pocket. Josh soon came over and told me what had happened. Apparently I didn't miss, in fact the egg I threw made its way through an open bus window and hit a girl right in the face! Josh also said that the bus driver saw me throw it and did in fact call the police. Luckily, only in the situation, I was home schooled so the bus driver had no idea who I was. I not only gained $5 that day, I also gained the respect of a middle school friend who I haven't talked to in 7 years. Worth it!

Jackass, which was a TV show at the time, heavily influenced me and my friends. We had this sweet camcorder where you would place the actual VHS tape inside and record whatever you wanted to for about two hours. Needless to say we began filming "Jackbutt" ( I wasn't allowed to say ass or I would have been grounded). The first few hours went great! We were doing awesome stunts and no ones parents saw us so there was no one to stop us. I was so proud of my work I decided to show my parents what I had done. During the final stunt one of the guys drops a nice four letter word that the video camera caught perfectly. And these were literally the next words to come out, "Way to go man, now John can't show his parents". Yes I was the only church goer out of my friends. Yes I would have shown my parents our masterpiece had not one of my friends slipped up. Yes I would have been in more trouble had I shown my parents the tape even with out the profanity. Yes I understand now how terrible an idea "Jackbutt" was.

"If you're gonna be dumb you gotta be tough" - Roger Allan Wade.

Later, JG

Corned beef and cabbage recipe

So awhile back my phone died and Verizon sent me a new one. I decided to sell the one they sent me and buy a different model. So naturally I went to the place one would sell such an item, that's right ebay. Ebay was created back in 1995 by a couple of friends who decided it was way too much work to leave your house and buy an item you need. I mean why buy something from someone you actually have to see and might have to talk to when you can just sit in your house/parents basement and have the item delivered to you. Think about it. You purchase an item, someone else mails it to you, some other someone else brings its to you and all you have to do is pick it up on your porch. I mean think of all the Star Trek you would miss out on if you had to go buy it yourself and you might even run into a real person who would possibly want to have a real conversation with you. So anyway I put my phone up and this is what happened.

After the first few days I started getting bids immediately. I mean seriously guys this was a Motorola Rival, these things may not be smart phones but they are pretty high up there. I can't even say that these phones suck. Seriously this is the type of phone that would be happy with the C-. So anyway the phone sells, I ship it, I get the money everything is great, or so I thought. I get an email saying that they no longer need the phone and would like to return it. Myself, being the sensitive, thoughtful, caring person that I am explained that I already shipped it and could not accept a return. 3 weeks later I get another email saying the phone doesn't work and would like a return. Myself, being the sometimes sensitive, occasionally thoughtful, almost always caring person that I am explained that the warranty on the phone had expired and I would not be able to accept a return. I later find that they had filed a case against me and that the ebay police were reviewing the case. I sent in all the information they needed to know and the court found the buyer innocent and myself guilty. I appealed the case stating that the buyer had been shady, yes shady, and the phone worked perfectly whenever I sent it. My appeal was denied and they took back the money straight out of my bank account, which is very disturbing that they can do that. Myself being the blunt, annoyed, honestly pissed off person ebay had transformed me into, I called customer support because they had clearly made a mistake. After being on hold for half an hour listening to music that made me miss the sound of Humble Tip (side not, Humble Tip is a christian rap artist from Liberty University. Seriously his music is the worse thing to happen to christians since the Dove awards, Point of Grace, and possibly even Bible man). I finally got through to a man who speaks very little English. Who knew that ebay was a international thing? So he asks me my name and no joke uses it twice in every sentence. I thought I was being Punked. There is no reason to say "Hello John thank you for calling customer support John, what may I help you with John?" I finally get him to transfer me over to someone else and they again deny my request. I would like to apologize for some of the things I said to him. This is a blog that the entire family can sit around together and read so I won't go into further detail.

So there I was a beaten man. $60 out of my bank account and a broken phone on my desk. So what does one do in such a situation? They write a sarcastic email to the buyer. Who cares about being the bigger man, getting the last word in is what it is all about. Well ladies and Luke Stehr (the one guy who consistently reads this) here is that email.

Dear, *********

Okay I got the phone back in the mail yesterday and you're right its not working. I'm guessing something happened to it while it was being shipped I really don't know because it worked fine before I shipped it. It's just so strange how a phone you didn't want anymore just happened to stop working once you got it. But I'm so happy you got your money back. I mean I highly doubt you would lie just for money. I'm also sorry I didn't make the warranty on the phone longer. I mean one week just isn't enough time to turn on a phone see if it works and email me to let me know there is a problem. But in the end everything worked out right? I mean you no longer have the phone you didn't want to buy, you have your money back and I have the phone I originally had so everyone is happy. I mean its not like I want a working phone or anything oh and paying the extra money for the shipping, no big deal. I'm a college student so I have tons of extra cash just laying around. I mean I would much rather pay for your shipping than have to go to the movies with my friends, pay my bills or anything like that. I just want you to be happy. Also I'm glad you gave me negative feedback, I deserve it. Just let me thank you for all the potential buyers I might have. I'm clearly a jerk who just wants to rip people off. Getting ebay involved was a very classy move because I obviously was not going to help you. Man they should just take my ebay account away if I'm going to be this irresponsible. I would also like to say that I'm sorry it took you an entire week to make it to a Verizon store. Those phones are just so complicated to turn on. How were you suppose to know that phone wasn't working, they make that on button so difficult sometimes. Well I could go on all day but I'm reaching my word limit. I hope this email finds you well and that the rest of your ebay experience will be a positive one. Stay classy *** **************.(her name not swear words)
P.S You didn't need to break my phone you could have just sent it back. I mean that's something a senior in high school would do.

-jgdechamp

Yes I lied about being a college student and yes I used google and facebook to find this person, and yes according to facebook this person is a senior in high school.

"A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advise"- Bill Cosby.

Later, JG

Charlie Sheen

I don't hate animals let me go ahead and throw that out there. Yes Michael Vick is one of my favorite athletes. This is not because of what he did off the field but more due to the fact that I have been to his house (yes it was his lake house, yes I only stood on his pier, no he did not know I was there). So last weekend I got the pleasure of removing a very dead opossum away from the ball field where parents would soon be picking up their children. As I got closer to the already very much dead varmint I noticed four 5th grade girls standing by it. They apparently had a funeral for "Linda" and cover it in grass. I scooped it up with the shovel and one of the girls asked me how their new friend had died. As I'm holding this sick excuse of an animal with its mouth open, tongue out, blood stained fur, obvious male parts exposed for all the world to see. I just told her that it died of cancer then she took this information to the other girls and yelled, "It's okay Linda died of cancer, I bet she didn't even feel it." Man I love stupid children. I then drive Linda, who is in fact obviously a male, down a trail so that I may dispose of its carcass. I am being completely honest when I say this but as soon as I step out of the truck there is a nous already tied and a perfect fit for Linda. Okay put yourself in my situation, you have a rope and a dead animal and way too much time on your hands. So naturally I did what anyone else in this situation would have done. I slid the knot around its head and hung it in a tree over a small waterfall. Guys if God did not want me to do this the rope would not have been there for me to do this. I think He was testing me like He tested Abraham with his son. I was waiting for the ram to appear but it never showed up therefore it wasn't my fault it was the rams. Therefore any college team that uses a ram as their mascot is clearly sinning against God. Don't get upset with me these are just the facts. Anyway I had no intention of leaving it up there for very long just long enough to show Garret and hear his laugh. Which now that I think of it, if that did happen it would have lasted longer than I thought. So of course I forget to tell Garret and someone else finds it and sends out a few emails asking who this sick person is that would do that to a poor animal. Whoops.

So in my new place there are a few mice. I was sleeping on the couch one night and one of these little demons ran out of the kitchen right towards me and scurried underneath where I was sleeping. I honestly sleep on the couch every night now with a knife just waiting for Stuart Little to try to pull a stunt like that again.

I would like to take this time and thank all of you that read this. I would also like to thank my international supporters including the 24 of you in Russia who read this and the 8 in Guadeloupe. I do apologize for not knowing that your country even exist but hey even I learn something new everyday. If numbers continue as normal I will reach 3,000 views this month including readers from 10 different countries. I will soon be adding advertisement on the side so if you or someone you know would like some international publicity contact myself, John Grant, and I will be happy to give you an estaminet.

"I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted the glory, I wanted the fame. I wanted the pretty girls to come up to me and say, 'Hi, I see you're good at Centipede'."- Walter Day

Later, JG

Shut your mouth whenever you're talking to me.

I love camping. Let me repeat myself, I love camping. So whenever Luke told me that we would be spending two days camping roughly 20 miles from the Mexican border I was thrilled to say the least. So we packed up the 15 passenger van, left the frozen snow filled grounds of New Life Ranch, and began our 20 something hour drive. The first night we stayed at a camp in west Texas which was a really neat experience just to see others who have similar interest as myself and how God uses them in different ways. It was a short stay and we made our way further south and eventually made it to Big Bend national park (not Big Ben, apparently someone who will remain anonymous thought we were going to London). We arrived at our camp site around 8 P.M and after leaving the snow and seeing sand and cacti I was ready to get my tan on. I stepped out of the van and it hit me, freezing temperatures and a sickening wind chill.

We make camp, cooked dinner, and went to bed. You may remember that I love camping, what I failed to mention was that I hate tents, and cold weather. I got in my sleeping bag and tried to fall asleep, little did I know I was about to experience one of the strangest nights of my entire life. I awoke around 1 A.M and my pillow was frozen. I guess I drool a lot in my sleep which froze my pillow case and to my face. I felt extremely claustrophobic and I could not feel my feat. As quietly as I possibly could, I got out of the tent and made my way to the van. Before I opened the door I heard the scariest noise of my entire life, seriously. It sounded like a Lion giving birth to a Rhino, horn first. I decided to sleep in the van for the rest of the night. My plan did not work at all. When I packed I packed like someone who was packing for a camping trip in Northern Mexico, so I had plenty of shorts and tshirts but one or two jackets. So I put on 3 additional pairs of socks on to my feet which I couldn't feel, a few pairs of shorts, and a pair of furry boots I found under one of the seats. I fell asleep for about an hour and woke up again and my mind was playing terrible tricks on me. My first thought was that I most definitely had frost bitten feet. So my next thought was Mr. Deeds and that my feet are going to be black the rest of my life. After that thought was I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET A CHACO TAN EVER AGAIN!!! So I knew the only way I would be able to survive this was to either use the lighter in my pocket to light a section of the van on fire, or go to the bathroom where the heater was.

I decided to go with the bathroom. This bathroom was about 100 yards away with Lions, Mexicans, and Bears! Because of all the socks I was wearing I could not fit my shoes on my feet. So I put them on high heel style and made the dash for the bathroom. I finally made it and it felt like Christmas morning. There was a giant heater and the smell of Lemon Pledge filled the air. I began to strip and placed my feet under the hand dryer. Once I had feeling in my toes again I knew if I was going to survive I needed to get sleep. I could hear Same Moreton in my head telling me I had all the resources necessary to stay alive. Whenever you are dying with hypothermia you do not think straight, much less think about comfort. So I grabbed 6 rolls of toilet paper to act as my pillow and slept on the floor of a public restroom at a nation park. As gross as this sounds you have no idea until you actually experience it. I woke up every 20 minuets all night thinking someone was going to come in and kidnap me. My mind works great at 4 A.M so I was thinking of excuses of why I would be on the floor. My first thought was to pull a Jason Borne and pretend I had no idea who I was and spit out random facts but I thought I could do better. So I decided to pretend I worked for border patrol and was on a very important stake out. Clever I know. Luckily for me and everyone else no one walked in. All throughout the night I honestly thought I was going to die. I could not get warm at all and I could not fall asleep. I decided if I was going to die I might as well say goodbye to a few friends. I whipped out my phone and sent some pretty awesome text messages. I'm sure people have gotten drunk text before, but I bet very few have gotten "I'm dying of hypothermia outside of Mexico so I'm in a public bathroom so I won't be eaten by bears" text. Luckily I didn't have service so only a few of those messages got out. I finally made it to morning, and knew that I needed to do something different that night. We spent the entire day hiking/modeling in one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. We made it back for dinner and the night was slowing creeping in. We decided to play cards in the van with the heaters full blast. I knew if I slept in the van after the game it would still be warm and might make for a better night. After the game I kicked everyone out of my "bed" took enough Tylenol PM that would knock out Snuffaluffagous and prayed I wouldn't wake up until morning. I started my prayer with God if you really love me and then I woke up and breakfast was already made (thanks God).

This was our last day so we decided to drive to the Mexican border and check out a hot spring right off of the Rio Grande. I had a great night sleep so I decided to drive. Before one can get to the hot springs one must drive through the mountains on a very narrow road. When I say narrow I mean it. I mean so narrow I'm surprised my Rosey O Donald sized ego made it through that pass. I would not feel comfortable riding a bike on it but here I was in a giant van. I couldn't let someone else drive because I was from North Carolina, we invented driving/ NASCAR. So we begin driving and it's seriously a 15 foot drop on my left and jagged rocks on my right all the way through the curving mountains. I finally make it through alive and we started our walk to the hot spring. Driving out was even more dangerous. I made it through only to find out we left some of our stuff so I had to drive the entire thing all over again. I think I peed a little bit each time so at the end of the ordeal I was glad I was still wearing my swimmies. Just kidding, but not really.

The hot springs were awesome, the water was so warm and it was such a nice day. As I was soaking in the spring right next to the Rio Grande and could see Mexico right across the river. I have never left our country before and do not have a passport but come on how hard could it be to swim across the Rio Grande and sneak into Mexico? Without much hesitation I dove into the freezing cold water and made my way to Mexico. I stood on foreign soil for the first time and felt so far away from God. It was like He could no longer hear me because I was no longer in His favorite country. I stood there long enough to get a picture and I swam back. Guys sneaking into the US is so much easier than I thought. We continued to soak in the warm waters when all of the sudden a man across the river appeared. There he was, a real live Mexican! Usually whenever one see a man of that nationality on his or her own soil we tend to be annoyed. Whenever I saw that man I felt cultured. Whenever I was swimming across the Rio Grande I experienced something deep. What right do I have to enjoy these freedoms I take for granted everyday? And Why do I get to have these, because I was born here? I felt sorry for that man who does not get to experience the things I get to everyday. Things like name brands, hats that aren't circles, the English language, and the always delicious Taco Bell. You would think more would swim over, I mean seriously guys its pretty easy.

After my trip I learned a lot about myself and a lot about those who I will work along side of for the following months to come.

"I want to change the word, and do something valuable and beautiful. I want people to remember me before I'm dead, and then more afterwords" -Russell Brand

Later, JG

New Years resolution- Same as every year!

Well today is my last day in North Carolina and it feels like I just got here. Christmas morning was almost cruel. My family wakes me up at 6 A.M but it gets even worse than that. My parents thought it would be cool to go feed the homeless that morning. Don't get me wrong it was a great experience, but 6 in the morning? What's wrong with homeless lunch? So we get there and we start making pancakes, and other things hungry people like. My parents are attending a church I have never been to before and it's a cool place, but the entire congregation are granolas. Meaning everyone (except a few girls) had a long beard, wore clothing from Goodwill, and was telling a story about something in their life. Sounds nice except I couldn't tell who was homeless. Every time someone walked into the kitchen I wasn't sure if I should ask for help or tell them it isn't time for breakfast. But that isn't even the worse part. My parents thought that we should open one present before we go. So of course the present we open is a Wii. Do you know how slow time goes when one is flipping pancakes knowing that virtual baseball could be happening at one's own home? Well I do and it's pretty slow. As we are leaving I saw this little boy open up a present that some of the people from the church got him. I wish I could describe the look in his face once he saw his new toy. He runs up to me with tears in his little eyes and gives me the biggest hug and thanks me. At that moment I understood the true meaning of Christmas and all of the sudden that Wii didn't sound so desirable... Just kidding we left before anyone opened presents, but how awesome would that have been if that really happen?


New Years Eve, what a night! My boy Philip gives me a shout about a huge party going down in downtown Gboro. Let me tell you this party had literally everything. Tons of people too many to count, fire dancers, men in kilts, people doing this swing thing, a trampoline and a midget! Unfortunately the midget was just a college girl who was at the party and didn't do anything cool but was just with friends (Which I found out the hard way). Apparently "little people" take offense when you ask them what they do. I guess she just liked to sit there and text because that's what she did all night. So the party is going great I'm wearing some phresh kicks, pull up in my mom's minivan, and just chilax. Everything is going great until well I'm not sure how to say this. Most people who hang out in a social gathering know that there is always that one girl. You know the girl who is loudest out of everyone and just wants drama. She was at this party but she decided to outdo herself this time. Nothing ruins a party quite like a girl falling off the roof and an ambulance coming. Thanks a lot loud girl.

"You know driving drunk isn't as hard as everyone makes it sound" -Lauren Gardner. (this quote was not taken out of context in the least bit)


Later, JG.