Corned beef and cabbage recipe

So awhile back my phone died and Verizon sent me a new one. I decided to sell the one they sent me and buy a different model. So naturally I went to the place one would sell such an item, that's right ebay. Ebay was created back in 1995 by a couple of friends who decided it was way too much work to leave your house and buy an item you need. I mean why buy something from someone you actually have to see and might have to talk to when you can just sit in your house/parents basement and have the item delivered to you. Think about it. You purchase an item, someone else mails it to you, some other someone else brings its to you and all you have to do is pick it up on your porch. I mean think of all the Star Trek you would miss out on if you had to go buy it yourself and you might even run into a real person who would possibly want to have a real conversation with you. So anyway I put my phone up and this is what happened.

After the first few days I started getting bids immediately. I mean seriously guys this was a Motorola Rival, these things may not be smart phones but they are pretty high up there. I can't even say that these phones suck. Seriously this is the type of phone that would be happy with the C-. So anyway the phone sells, I ship it, I get the money everything is great, or so I thought. I get an email saying that they no longer need the phone and would like to return it. Myself, being the sensitive, thoughtful, caring person that I am explained that I already shipped it and could not accept a return. 3 weeks later I get another email saying the phone doesn't work and would like a return. Myself, being the sometimes sensitive, occasionally thoughtful, almost always caring person that I am explained that the warranty on the phone had expired and I would not be able to accept a return. I later find that they had filed a case against me and that the ebay police were reviewing the case. I sent in all the information they needed to know and the court found the buyer innocent and myself guilty. I appealed the case stating that the buyer had been shady, yes shady, and the phone worked perfectly whenever I sent it. My appeal was denied and they took back the money straight out of my bank account, which is very disturbing that they can do that. Myself being the blunt, annoyed, honestly pissed off person ebay had transformed me into, I called customer support because they had clearly made a mistake. After being on hold for half an hour listening to music that made me miss the sound of Humble Tip (side not, Humble Tip is a christian rap artist from Liberty University. Seriously his music is the worse thing to happen to christians since the Dove awards, Point of Grace, and possibly even Bible man). I finally got through to a man who speaks very little English. Who knew that ebay was a international thing? So he asks me my name and no joke uses it twice in every sentence. I thought I was being Punked. There is no reason to say "Hello John thank you for calling customer support John, what may I help you with John?" I finally get him to transfer me over to someone else and they again deny my request. I would like to apologize for some of the things I said to him. This is a blog that the entire family can sit around together and read so I won't go into further detail.

So there I was a beaten man. $60 out of my bank account and a broken phone on my desk. So what does one do in such a situation? They write a sarcastic email to the buyer. Who cares about being the bigger man, getting the last word in is what it is all about. Well ladies and Luke Stehr (the one guy who consistently reads this) here is that email.

Dear, *********

Okay I got the phone back in the mail yesterday and you're right its not working. I'm guessing something happened to it while it was being shipped I really don't know because it worked fine before I shipped it. It's just so strange how a phone you didn't want anymore just happened to stop working once you got it. But I'm so happy you got your money back. I mean I highly doubt you would lie just for money. I'm also sorry I didn't make the warranty on the phone longer. I mean one week just isn't enough time to turn on a phone see if it works and email me to let me know there is a problem. But in the end everything worked out right? I mean you no longer have the phone you didn't want to buy, you have your money back and I have the phone I originally had so everyone is happy. I mean its not like I want a working phone or anything oh and paying the extra money for the shipping, no big deal. I'm a college student so I have tons of extra cash just laying around. I mean I would much rather pay for your shipping than have to go to the movies with my friends, pay my bills or anything like that. I just want you to be happy. Also I'm glad you gave me negative feedback, I deserve it. Just let me thank you for all the potential buyers I might have. I'm clearly a jerk who just wants to rip people off. Getting ebay involved was a very classy move because I obviously was not going to help you. Man they should just take my ebay account away if I'm going to be this irresponsible. I would also like to say that I'm sorry it took you an entire week to make it to a Verizon store. Those phones are just so complicated to turn on. How were you suppose to know that phone wasn't working, they make that on button so difficult sometimes. Well I could go on all day but I'm reaching my word limit. I hope this email finds you well and that the rest of your ebay experience will be a positive one. Stay classy *** **************.(her name not swear words)
P.S You didn't need to break my phone you could have just sent it back. I mean that's something a senior in high school would do.

-jgdechamp

Yes I lied about being a college student and yes I used google and facebook to find this person, and yes according to facebook this person is a senior in high school.

"A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advise"- Bill Cosby.

Later, JG

Charlie Sheen

I don't hate animals let me go ahead and throw that out there. Yes Michael Vick is one of my favorite athletes. This is not because of what he did off the field but more due to the fact that I have been to his house (yes it was his lake house, yes I only stood on his pier, no he did not know I was there). So last weekend I got the pleasure of removing a very dead opossum away from the ball field where parents would soon be picking up their children. As I got closer to the already very much dead varmint I noticed four 5th grade girls standing by it. They apparently had a funeral for "Linda" and cover it in grass. I scooped it up with the shovel and one of the girls asked me how their new friend had died. As I'm holding this sick excuse of an animal with its mouth open, tongue out, blood stained fur, obvious male parts exposed for all the world to see. I just told her that it died of cancer then she took this information to the other girls and yelled, "It's okay Linda died of cancer, I bet she didn't even feel it." Man I love stupid children. I then drive Linda, who is in fact obviously a male, down a trail so that I may dispose of its carcass. I am being completely honest when I say this but as soon as I step out of the truck there is a nous already tied and a perfect fit for Linda. Okay put yourself in my situation, you have a rope and a dead animal and way too much time on your hands. So naturally I did what anyone else in this situation would have done. I slid the knot around its head and hung it in a tree over a small waterfall. Guys if God did not want me to do this the rope would not have been there for me to do this. I think He was testing me like He tested Abraham with his son. I was waiting for the ram to appear but it never showed up therefore it wasn't my fault it was the rams. Therefore any college team that uses a ram as their mascot is clearly sinning against God. Don't get upset with me these are just the facts. Anyway I had no intention of leaving it up there for very long just long enough to show Garret and hear his laugh. Which now that I think of it, if that did happen it would have lasted longer than I thought. So of course I forget to tell Garret and someone else finds it and sends out a few emails asking who this sick person is that would do that to a poor animal. Whoops.

So in my new place there are a few mice. I was sleeping on the couch one night and one of these little demons ran out of the kitchen right towards me and scurried underneath where I was sleeping. I honestly sleep on the couch every night now with a knife just waiting for Stuart Little to try to pull a stunt like that again.

I would like to take this time and thank all of you that read this. I would also like to thank my international supporters including the 24 of you in Russia who read this and the 8 in Guadeloupe. I do apologize for not knowing that your country even exist but hey even I learn something new everyday. If numbers continue as normal I will reach 3,000 views this month including readers from 10 different countries. I will soon be adding advertisement on the side so if you or someone you know would like some international publicity contact myself, John Grant, and I will be happy to give you an estaminet.

"I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted the glory, I wanted the fame. I wanted the pretty girls to come up to me and say, 'Hi, I see you're good at Centipede'."- Walter Day

Later, JG

Shut your mouth whenever you're talking to me.

I love camping. Let me repeat myself, I love camping. So whenever Luke told me that we would be spending two days camping roughly 20 miles from the Mexican border I was thrilled to say the least. So we packed up the 15 passenger van, left the frozen snow filled grounds of New Life Ranch, and began our 20 something hour drive. The first night we stayed at a camp in west Texas which was a really neat experience just to see others who have similar interest as myself and how God uses them in different ways. It was a short stay and we made our way further south and eventually made it to Big Bend national park (not Big Ben, apparently someone who will remain anonymous thought we were going to London). We arrived at our camp site around 8 P.M and after leaving the snow and seeing sand and cacti I was ready to get my tan on. I stepped out of the van and it hit me, freezing temperatures and a sickening wind chill.

We make camp, cooked dinner, and went to bed. You may remember that I love camping, what I failed to mention was that I hate tents, and cold weather. I got in my sleeping bag and tried to fall asleep, little did I know I was about to experience one of the strangest nights of my entire life. I awoke around 1 A.M and my pillow was frozen. I guess I drool a lot in my sleep which froze my pillow case and to my face. I felt extremely claustrophobic and I could not feel my feat. As quietly as I possibly could, I got out of the tent and made my way to the van. Before I opened the door I heard the scariest noise of my entire life, seriously. It sounded like a Lion giving birth to a Rhino, horn first. I decided to sleep in the van for the rest of the night. My plan did not work at all. When I packed I packed like someone who was packing for a camping trip in Northern Mexico, so I had plenty of shorts and tshirts but one or two jackets. So I put on 3 additional pairs of socks on to my feet which I couldn't feel, a few pairs of shorts, and a pair of furry boots I found under one of the seats. I fell asleep for about an hour and woke up again and my mind was playing terrible tricks on me. My first thought was that I most definitely had frost bitten feet. So my next thought was Mr. Deeds and that my feet are going to be black the rest of my life. After that thought was I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET A CHACO TAN EVER AGAIN!!! So I knew the only way I would be able to survive this was to either use the lighter in my pocket to light a section of the van on fire, or go to the bathroom where the heater was.

I decided to go with the bathroom. This bathroom was about 100 yards away with Lions, Mexicans, and Bears! Because of all the socks I was wearing I could not fit my shoes on my feet. So I put them on high heel style and made the dash for the bathroom. I finally made it and it felt like Christmas morning. There was a giant heater and the smell of Lemon Pledge filled the air. I began to strip and placed my feet under the hand dryer. Once I had feeling in my toes again I knew if I was going to survive I needed to get sleep. I could hear Same Moreton in my head telling me I had all the resources necessary to stay alive. Whenever you are dying with hypothermia you do not think straight, much less think about comfort. So I grabbed 6 rolls of toilet paper to act as my pillow and slept on the floor of a public restroom at a nation park. As gross as this sounds you have no idea until you actually experience it. I woke up every 20 minuets all night thinking someone was going to come in and kidnap me. My mind works great at 4 A.M so I was thinking of excuses of why I would be on the floor. My first thought was to pull a Jason Borne and pretend I had no idea who I was and spit out random facts but I thought I could do better. So I decided to pretend I worked for border patrol and was on a very important stake out. Clever I know. Luckily for me and everyone else no one walked in. All throughout the night I honestly thought I was going to die. I could not get warm at all and I could not fall asleep. I decided if I was going to die I might as well say goodbye to a few friends. I whipped out my phone and sent some pretty awesome text messages. I'm sure people have gotten drunk text before, but I bet very few have gotten "I'm dying of hypothermia outside of Mexico so I'm in a public bathroom so I won't be eaten by bears" text. Luckily I didn't have service so only a few of those messages got out. I finally made it to morning, and knew that I needed to do something different that night. We spent the entire day hiking/modeling in one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. We made it back for dinner and the night was slowing creeping in. We decided to play cards in the van with the heaters full blast. I knew if I slept in the van after the game it would still be warm and might make for a better night. After the game I kicked everyone out of my "bed" took enough Tylenol PM that would knock out Snuffaluffagous and prayed I wouldn't wake up until morning. I started my prayer with God if you really love me and then I woke up and breakfast was already made (thanks God).

This was our last day so we decided to drive to the Mexican border and check out a hot spring right off of the Rio Grande. I had a great night sleep so I decided to drive. Before one can get to the hot springs one must drive through the mountains on a very narrow road. When I say narrow I mean it. I mean so narrow I'm surprised my Rosey O Donald sized ego made it through that pass. I would not feel comfortable riding a bike on it but here I was in a giant van. I couldn't let someone else drive because I was from North Carolina, we invented driving/ NASCAR. So we begin driving and it's seriously a 15 foot drop on my left and jagged rocks on my right all the way through the curving mountains. I finally make it through alive and we started our walk to the hot spring. Driving out was even more dangerous. I made it through only to find out we left some of our stuff so I had to drive the entire thing all over again. I think I peed a little bit each time so at the end of the ordeal I was glad I was still wearing my swimmies. Just kidding, but not really.

The hot springs were awesome, the water was so warm and it was such a nice day. As I was soaking in the spring right next to the Rio Grande and could see Mexico right across the river. I have never left our country before and do not have a passport but come on how hard could it be to swim across the Rio Grande and sneak into Mexico? Without much hesitation I dove into the freezing cold water and made my way to Mexico. I stood on foreign soil for the first time and felt so far away from God. It was like He could no longer hear me because I was no longer in His favorite country. I stood there long enough to get a picture and I swam back. Guys sneaking into the US is so much easier than I thought. We continued to soak in the warm waters when all of the sudden a man across the river appeared. There he was, a real live Mexican! Usually whenever one see a man of that nationality on his or her own soil we tend to be annoyed. Whenever I saw that man I felt cultured. Whenever I was swimming across the Rio Grande I experienced something deep. What right do I have to enjoy these freedoms I take for granted everyday? And Why do I get to have these, because I was born here? I felt sorry for that man who does not get to experience the things I get to everyday. Things like name brands, hats that aren't circles, the English language, and the always delicious Taco Bell. You would think more would swim over, I mean seriously guys its pretty easy.

After my trip I learned a lot about myself and a lot about those who I will work along side of for the following months to come.

"I want to change the word, and do something valuable and beautiful. I want people to remember me before I'm dead, and then more afterwords" -Russell Brand

Later, JG

New Years resolution- Same as every year!

Well today is my last day in North Carolina and it feels like I just got here. Christmas morning was almost cruel. My family wakes me up at 6 A.M but it gets even worse than that. My parents thought it would be cool to go feed the homeless that morning. Don't get me wrong it was a great experience, but 6 in the morning? What's wrong with homeless lunch? So we get there and we start making pancakes, and other things hungry people like. My parents are attending a church I have never been to before and it's a cool place, but the entire congregation are granolas. Meaning everyone (except a few girls) had a long beard, wore clothing from Goodwill, and was telling a story about something in their life. Sounds nice except I couldn't tell who was homeless. Every time someone walked into the kitchen I wasn't sure if I should ask for help or tell them it isn't time for breakfast. But that isn't even the worse part. My parents thought that we should open one present before we go. So of course the present we open is a Wii. Do you know how slow time goes when one is flipping pancakes knowing that virtual baseball could be happening at one's own home? Well I do and it's pretty slow. As we are leaving I saw this little boy open up a present that some of the people from the church got him. I wish I could describe the look in his face once he saw his new toy. He runs up to me with tears in his little eyes and gives me the biggest hug and thanks me. At that moment I understood the true meaning of Christmas and all of the sudden that Wii didn't sound so desirable... Just kidding we left before anyone opened presents, but how awesome would that have been if that really happen?


New Years Eve, what a night! My boy Philip gives me a shout about a huge party going down in downtown Gboro. Let me tell you this party had literally everything. Tons of people too many to count, fire dancers, men in kilts, people doing this swing thing, a trampoline and a midget! Unfortunately the midget was just a college girl who was at the party and didn't do anything cool but was just with friends (Which I found out the hard way). Apparently "little people" take offense when you ask them what they do. I guess she just liked to sit there and text because that's what she did all night. So the party is going great I'm wearing some phresh kicks, pull up in my mom's minivan, and just chilax. Everything is going great until well I'm not sure how to say this. Most people who hang out in a social gathering know that there is always that one girl. You know the girl who is loudest out of everyone and just wants drama. She was at this party but she decided to outdo herself this time. Nothing ruins a party quite like a girl falling off the roof and an ambulance coming. Thanks a lot loud girl.

"You know driving drunk isn't as hard as everyone makes it sound" -Lauren Gardner. (this quote was not taken out of context in the least bit)


Later, JG.

Nevermore

So I was laying in bed yesterday morning when I get a knock on my door. It was strange for a number of reasons. One it was 7 A.M. Two it was a single knock. Three it was 7 A.M. in the morning. So I get out of bed put on some clothes and hope whoever is at my door has a good reason for waking me up. There are only a few things in life that make me immediately pissed off. One of those is being woken up for a stupid reason. (another one is when the hot dog bun breaks in half, seriously that makes me so cross) So I open the door and no one is there. I was livid. Not only did I get out of bed and put on clothes but it is freezing and no one is there. I got back to bed super angry trying to figure out who would ding dong ditch me at 7 A.M. I go to work trying to figure out who the funny guy is. As I return home I notice something in front of my door. I look closer and there is a dead bird in front of my place. Yes a stupid bird flew into my door not only killing itself but far worse waking me up. Am I saying that my sleep is more important than that poor bird's life? YES!!! I hate most animals but birds are right up there with horses in my list of useless animals.

Later, JG

All I do is win

So tonight ended my perfect driving record. For over three years I hadn't been in an accident or pulled over at all. That is saying a lot because in high school I drove my dad's 1994 minivan and that thing was perfect for burnouts and drag racing. I didn't need a speedometer because every time it hit 80mph the entire thing would shake, so that one time I got it up to 110mph you would have thought the van had Parkinson's disease. But anyway tonight I was on my way back from Christmas shopping in Faytown with Lexie and I got pulled over. I run through everything I'm going to say in my mind and I roll down the window and its a female cop. She tells me that I was going 80 in a 65. That was such crap because I was only going 75 and I told her the cruise control was on and set at 70. She takes my license and other information and then it gets weird. She comes back and she was like "You need to get a new license" I said "Its not expired, are you talking about the crack in it?" She replies "Nope your face is a lot cuter in life than the picture on your license." She then asks me where I go to school and where I'm from, where I work, whose car am I driving just really personal questions. She gives me a warning after I play the NLR card, and tells me to be careful in my girlfriends car. Okay how did she know Lexie was my girlfriend? It was a weird night. As I look back it all makes sense. Favre has always been my favorite NFL player. His first season was the year I was born and we both ended our streak tonight. He hadn't missed a game, I had never gotten pulled over. This had to be an act of God.

I would just like to apologize to J Ho and AC and the 5 girls from their house who came out to NLR the other week and Garret and myself left in the west 40 haha. Sorry that was rude of us.

When I first started this blog is was all about having fun and just getting memories written down to look back at. Now I feel so much pressure when I write. Not only do I have 19 followers but millions of others who read this but don't follow. Not to mention my girl AP reads this to all of her sorority sisters in Texas. I can't be witty and hilarious all the time, it takes a toll on my health trying to please everyone. I mean pretty much everyone in Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Virginia, North Carolina, and Alaska read this. Oh well its the price I have to pay.

In case anyone is interested Get him to the Greek is not a good date movie with Lexie Garret and Beth. What is even worse is instead of finishing the movie Garret decides to jump in the creek. Yes myself and G-love jumped in Flint creek on a brisk December night, why are boys so dumb in front of girls? Oh yeah because we are awesome!

Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye- Helen Keller. Oh the irony.

Later, JG

I whip my hair back and forth

Over the last two weeks I have gotten the opportunity to travel to 4 different colleges to assist Rhett in recruiting summer staff for the 2011 summer.

OSU- While we recruit we have a display with pictures, brochures that explain what we do during the summer, and candy. Lots and lots of candy. It's difficult to find quality Christians at a secular university such as Oklahoma State, and most of the students just walked by not very interested. The only way to get students to talk to us was by luring them in with pixie stix. Although this tactic was not extremely successful, some key phrases did come about. Some of these phrases include: I pegged you as a pixie stick kind of girl, candy from strangers all you have to do is bend over and pick it up (pointing to the candy on the ground). So Rhett's job was to talk to the students, my job was to set the mood so I just kind of sat there. A couple walked by and the girl saw who we were and told the boy she was with that she went to NLR for 3 years as a kid, he responded with "No s***? " I went to Kanakuk! Being at OSU allowed me to see some good friends including the one and only Katie Berry. Guys I like Katie a lot, so much I even went to a Biology class with her. After the first 3 minutes I got up and left but it was the thought that counts anyway. So we are wrapping up the the final day at OSU and myself Rhett, Geoff Maples, and Conner are tossing a disc when I see a student checking out what was behind our display. Geoff notices too and approaches the young man and asks if he needs help with anything. He replies no that he just took a piece of candy. So Geoff walks away and the students walks away as well. I decided to follow the student just in case. I was a good 30 yards behind him when he starts walking faster. I begin to run after him and he sees me and takes off. He runs into a building and is nowhere to be found. I reconnect with Geoff who came in the back way. All of the sudden homeboy walks out wearing different clothes holding Geoff's new Droid in his hand along with Conner's Ipod. Geoff looks at homeboy and asks for his phone back and homeboy just gives it to him. Homeboy you are really dumb, for realz.

OBU-After spending a few days there I decided a few things. One, I will never home school my kids, ever. If you think about it kids getting bullied isn't always a bad thing. If a kid is acting weird the bully will let him know and the kid will stop doing it, therefore will stop acting socially awkward and will begin to function better in the world. Yes it hurts at the time but I'm so thankful for all the times my older brother beat me up for listening to the Spice Girls. Two, there were way more interesting people at OBU than OSU. This Asian student stopped by and asked us what we were. We explain we were a summer camp and she laughed at us and informed us that it is winter...


SBU- Luke Stehr likes camp, a lot.

Missouri S & T- This school is kind of labeled for being a nerdy school. The reason it has this reputation is largely due to the fact that it is. But I always look for the silver lining and here it is. I was washing my hands in the bathroom and this girl (who was without a doubt home schooled for most of her life) walks in. She looks at me with the absolute meanest look I have ever seen. The kind of look that says, "You freak why are you in the woman's bathroom?!?" I just smile and continue to wash my hands. She looks at me then turns her head at looks at the urinals. Looks back at me then back at the urinals, then back at me and turns around walks away while saying, "Well that worked out great for me." She just so happened to be in the church service I was at and would not make eye contact with me, and I tried so so hard for that to happen.

On our way back to Oklahoma Rhett and myself stop at the Wal-Mart in Missouri. The bathroom was being cleaned so I just waited outside the door. While I'm waiting these two girls come out with a kid in each arm. They looked to be about my age but it was hard to tell. Thing 1 says to her child 'I'm going to put you in the cart now." She then looks right at me and says, "Can I put you in the cart?" Myself being the clever, witty person I am said, "No." She then says "It's alright I'm preggo anyway." Classy

I have some really strange friends. J Ho just isn't normal, AC pretends to hate me every time I hang out with her so maybe she really does... Yeah those are pretty much my only friends who visit me.

Jesus' first miracle, turning the water into wine. The Baptist's first miracle, turning the wine into grape juice.

Later, JG