Tuesday, October 12, 2010

X

"Don't be stupid, that's what we have politicians for." "If 10% was good enough for Jesus it should be good enough for the government?" These were just a few of the bumper stickers on this awesome black PT Cruiser I was behind on my way to the Verizon store. I mean after I read those I instantly changed my political views and felt the need to get some for my own non-existent vehicle. I mean honestly if you are going to try to look like an intelligent person with any kind of political wisdom, at least take off the 6 (yes that's right 6) nascar stickers off your Cruiser as well as the Palin '12 sticker. Oh and maybe change the Texas license plate as well.

Last week was my mom's birthday so it thought about all the advice she has shared with me over the years and here are a few that helped me the most. "Don't worry about your grades, just be the best athlete and get everyone to like you. Fine get a tattoo, ruin your body I don't care." There was this one time in 10th grade when I got suspended from school for cheating, which was stupid because I wasn't cheating for myself but I stupid friend who couldn't pass a science quiz, and they called my mom to come pick me up in the principal's office. Apparently they never told her why I was there so when she got there and found out why, it was actually a relief for her to know I was in trouble and not the hospital again for doing something awesome. So thanks mom for all the advice and remember that time you told me I could do whatever I wanted to once I was out of the house? Well I'm JG so obviously I have been doing what I want for awhile now, and I'm going to see Jackass 3 this weekend! Get the jello and chocolate pudding ready, and the ice every half hour. Good times.

Every Tuesday I mentor a 4th grader for 2 hours and it has been the most effective form of birth control ever created. This kid has so much energy its ridiculous. I mean he is an awesome guy, but when the first thing he says to me is "Hey Mr. John, I didn't take my medicine today" makes me wonder if I ever want kids, seriously.

Before I finished I just wanted everyone to know just how awesome Annie Paige is. Get to know her she is really cool. Once you talk to her you will soon realize that her ability to kick herself in the head is the least interesting thing about her, honestly she is great. Oh and Katie Berry is really funny, for a girl.

Girls at christian colleges are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Later JG


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Purple Fuzzies,

So this past weekend I had time off so I decided to drop in on my friends up at the U of A. It was a big weekend because Arkansas was playing the number one seen Alabama that Saturday. I arrived Friday night and people were outside the stadium and had been there camping out since Monday. I figured I'm pretty well known so the best way to find people is to start walking down the street where there are already thousands of people. Oh fun fact I actually know the girl who was in the very first tent, just throwing that out there. I barely start walking and I hear someone yell my name. As luck would have it it just so happened to be David Cox. Boys and girls let me tell you, David Cox is a much different person outside of camp. He was actually hilarious, for the first time in my life I enjoyed being around him.

I later met up with my other friends JHo and Anna Clark, and we went to Taco Bell and Wal Mart (you know the places that we didn't go to at all all summer). So the next day was the football game and I still didn't have a ticket. Not gonna lie I almost felt uncomfortable walking around the busy streets with one finger up indicating I needed one ticket. It was funny because many people felt the need to put another finger up at me even though they already had tickets... Stay classy Arkansas. I'm walking down the street and some one else yells at me and she is in a car and it was one of those I know who you are but can't remember at the moment so it was real awkward because I didn't know what to say, sorry Allie. I finally find this nice african american male and he offers to sell me his ticket. At first he asks for $300 but because I grew up on the streets I knew what to do. I laugh and walk off knowing he will hollar back. Well he wasn't no hollar back guy so I ended up walking back. I told him I was from NC and that I drove all through the night to get here but left my ticket on the table. ( yes I am from NC true, yes I did drive all through the night to get here true, did I leave my ticket on the table, not so true) So I show him my NC drivers license, tell him the seats are awful, the game will be a blowout, and no one is looking for a single ticket. Yup I definitely walked away with a $300 ticket for $60. The seats were awful so I just walked past the security and sat in the student section. I'm telling you if you walk anywhere acting like you own the place you will be surprised with how little people will try to stop you.

I drove back that night because Arkansas lost so everyone went home or started studying for Monday. I however had a rondevu that night so it ended up working out. I like to think I'm pretty good at coming up with a plan B on the spur of the moment situations. So whenever my phone died on the way back I had to come up with something. I could have either went home and called my friend the let my friend know I couldn't make it because my phone died, but that would have been pretty lame and lets face it JG does not stoop to the lame level. So I stop at the hotel to use their computer. The clerk tells me the computer has been down all day and won't be fixed until the next day. I asked to see it anyway and I'm no computer geek by any means but I totes def figured out the modem was plugged into the wrong part of the computer and I fixed it within like 3 mins, just sayin. So I get on facebook find my friend's number call my friend to make sure we were still on for our rondevu find out where we are meeting and all that jazz while using the hotel's phone.

I keep having this reoccurring dream that my high school diploma isn't real and I have to do my senior year all over again. So I guess it's more of a nightmare. So I go to some random school in oklahoma and end up playing football as a 20 year old senior. That's about as far as I get before I wake up but last night for some reason the Duggars were at my game. I guess because I was at their house Sunday night they were still fresh on my mind.

"JG put me in your blog"-Everyone

Later, JG

Monday, September 20, 2010

Get your friends to follow me! I'm conceded but I don't care.

I'm a pretty big fan of people watching to say the least. Some call it an invasion of privacy, but I just think of it as a hobby. So last night I was at this real janky outdoor skate park in downtown Siloam Springs and it may be my go to spot for the year. Last year was easy because I could just leave my room and people watch anywhere. Yeah everyone at Liberty was either home schooled or just lacked social skills. It was awesome! So last night I was just skating around (shirtless) looking real white trash thugg. I was doing my thing and this mexican playa walks up trying to start sumthan. I was actually wrong he just wanted a lighter. We had a good talk, his name was michael and just moved here from California. He wants to go back but is on parole here for underaged drinking hahah stay classy Siloam.

My phone is awful and my one year insurance is up next week so I made a visit to my local verizone dealer. If you want a new phone its pretty easy. If you tell them that your phone is messed up physically than they will blame it on you and make you pay for it. Here is what I did. I told them something random like my speaker phone keeps turning on, which it did twice today, and they are going to give me a new phone for free. Which is awesome because it is falling apart.

The phone incident reminded me of some other things that happened whenever I was younger. In early high school, when I was still listening to awful music, Underaoth came into town. Since I was poor I didn't have money for a ticket I decided to show up anyway and see what I could do, I mean after all I'm John Grant. So I show up and go directly to the lady taking tickets and tell her my name is on the VIP list and my ticket is waiting for me. Of course my name was not on the list but if you act upset enough things happen. I just so happened to have Aaron Gillespie's phone number, the drummer/vocals for Underoath, in my phone. I got the number from a friend from school who tried to open for them, but got denied. The lady wasn't buying my story at all that me and Aaron are good family friends and how pissed he will be if she didn't let me in. I end up calling him and it goes straight to voicemail, which is good because he would have had no idea who I am if he had answered. So she finally lets me and my friend in. It was the best/worse free concert I have ever attended.

So tonight I have 103. To those of you who aren't down with the NLR lingo that means I have the phone the people here call if there is an emergency. So i'm sitting here at my office listening to some pandora and checking up on my fantasy team when the phone goes off. I wasn't paying attention to what I was listening to on pandora and apparently if you plug in Nirvana you will eventually get Eminem so I can't just answer with all the naughty words going off in the background. I can't find the volume so i have to just shut my laptop, which didn't stop it at all, so I had to leave the room. The voice on the other end tells me to call an ambulance because a kid had broken his leg. I freak out a bit because I didn't know what to do. I soon get another call saying a cabin is missing a camper. I get another call telling me to cancel the ambulance and the kid was faking. It was crazy but everything turned out alright!

Where's Parker? He's on that skypy-skype thing...-Garret Blythe

Later, JG

Friday, September 17, 2010

Luke Stehr

I miss college. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love what I'm doing right now, but I also miss always having something going on and staying up late. So most nights I have off you will find me hitting up JBU or the U of A just so I can be around people my own age and maturity. If anyone is ever at Arkansas and has nothing to do call J Ho, she is always up to something and never needs to be told in advance you are coming. Just call her and tell her you're on your way to her dorm she loves it when you do that.

Tonight I was driving back from my first high school football game in seven years and I stopped at the Siloam Taco bell. I was about to go in and I saw like 7 bigger guys with cut off sleeves in line about to order. Usually I would fit in perfectly but on this night I was wearing my new jacket and was feeling like a nancy boy. So I just ended up going through the drive thru. Don't worry I regained my manliness. When the waitress took my order and asked what sauce I wanted I told her to give me the hottest they had. Oh yeah she could tell how much of a man I was after that. Even though I just threw the sauce away after I got it, I still felt better.

This week I have been leading roughly 600 6th graders from Jenks in different activities. I know I taught them all so many life skills but I also learned something important as well. That's right I have decided to not have kids, ever. They all behaved but today I had to help a kid who was crossing the creek and started getting carried away. This kid had Down Syndrome and was an awesome kid, I would have jumped in for any kid but I felt like I really needed for this situation. Even though I got soaked by freezing cold water the kid was fine, Sarah Palin would be proud...too far?

Not being in school so far has really given me some serious time to evaluate what I want to do in life. So here is my new life plan. Go to the duggars house, because I am on the approved list of visitors, and pick out a girl around my age to date. Date her until they start filming a new season and do something questionable to get media attention. Break up with her once I find out all their family secrets and go straight to hollywood. Be a special guest on the Soup and that will launch my career. I mean this is a foolproof plan, but just in case it doesn't I'm also really tempted to go work on a cruise ship next year.

Every week for two hours I mentor this awesome 4th grader. If someone told me a few years ago I would be where I am now and doing the things I do I would not have believed them. Funny how things work out.

"Do you know my mom's best friend's middle name?" "No" Yeah I didn't think so...-Some Jenks girl.

Later, JG

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Reminiscing

Article taken out of the Greensboro paper during my Jr year of high school.

Tyler Biggs, Nick Taylor, Brad Horton, Tyler Haley, Brandon Marchisotto, Mitchell Matthews, Ryan White, John Grant, Caleb Shelton, Steven Conger. All of these kids play good, solid, sound fundamental baseball and they used those skills to defeat Gospel Light Christian 13-1 yesterday at Ernie Shore Field in Winston-Salem.

The ten kids I mentioned at the top of the article play for the Vandalia Christian Vikings and they were in top form on Tuesday. I was especially impressed with Tyler Biggs at shortstop, the VCS second baseman, and John Grant who made two outstanding catches in the bottom of the fifth inning to make sure that VCS closed out the game with the ten-run rule in effect after five innings.

Biggs made some solid plays at SS and the second baseman knocked down a hard hit ball in the infield to rob Gospel Light of a key base hit and John Grant for VCS made those plays and one of those was with his back up against the left field wall in a professional baseball stadium. That’s getting pretty deep brother.

Aaron Jones didn’t have his best stuff for Gospel Light but he did strike out eight Vandalia batters, but he also issued five walks. Defensively, Jones didn’t have a lot of help backing him up but let’s give credit to the Luke Oates-coached Vandalia team, this was their time to shine on a very cold and windy day at Ernie Shore Field in Winston-Salem.

The top of the Vandalia order was hitting the ball all over the place. John Grant got the win on the mound for Vandalia.

Grant W (7-0)


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Don't watch Repo Men, it was awful.

So the other night I was driving home and I noticed the person in the next lane over was driving a moped. The stoplight was quickly approaching and I really wanted to talk to this person but I didn't want to sound lame so as soon as we both stopped I rolled down my window and asked him where the nearest Redbox was. It was awesome because I soon noticed that he was probably around 15 or 16 and was feeling really uncomfortable giving me directions. I couldn't understand why he was being so shy so I kept following him and asking him for a quicker route than the one he had just previously given. The last stoplight was coming up (my timing was perfect because we got stopped by the 4 stoplights on that road) and I asked him if he had seen any good movies lately and what would he recommend seeing. He finally just ignored me and the light turned green and we went our separate ways. I remember thinking to myself only dorks drive mopeds, as I drove away with my gauges (I did myself) my cut off sleeves, in my mom's minivan...

Last Wednesday was my final day in N.C for a pretty long time. As I was going through security at the airport they had to scan my bag 3 different times because apparently 2 tubs of creatine and whey protein and a N64 looks suspicious in the Xray machine. Like people know how to make bombs with powder and wires, get a life TSA. I flew into Dallas where I had a 2 hour layover with my fabulous friend Lauren. While we were waiting for our flights, mine to Oklahoma hers to Italy, we were talking about current events going on in America. As we were talking this man leans over and corrects a statement I made. I won't go into details because I don't want to offend the 2 of you that read this because I'm sure my views may be different than yours. It was just funny because myself and Lauren just had to walk away. Gotta love Texans!

Thursday morning I wake up bright and early for the 12 hour drive to Colorado. We, meaning myself and the other people doing the LEAD program, stay at a state park the first night and continue to the Rockies the next day.

Friday- We reach the trailhead around 6 P.M. and begin our 4 mile hike for the day. Having never experienced altitude sickness or being strapped to a 45lbs plus backpack, backpacking in Colorado was a pretty big stretch. The further and higher we hiked, the more and more my body was hating me. We finally made it up the 11,400ft climb to the site for the first night. When I say site I mean a small patch of grass under some trees in the middle of nowhere. If you wanted a shower you had to jump in the freezing cold lake, if you had to go to the bathroom you had to find a tree dig a little hole and yeah... It was not what I was expecting at all. We had a fire going I was almost asleep when Luke told us it was time to make a bear bag. Apparently when one is backpacking through the Rockies one is suppose to take all the food/trash/toothpaste/deodorant put it all in a bag, take the bag at least 200ft downwind from camp, tie it high in a tree so bears won't eat your food or you. This was a first for me. We finally got it up, and went to bed.

Saturday- We wake up and begin our next hike for the day which is only a 7 miles. It takes us all day through the grassy/hilly/rocky/elk poop infested trail until we finally see Trout lake at the bottom of the mountain. We see this around 6:46 P.M. and assume we will be there shortly. We decide to leave the trail and go down a different route which looks easiest. We soon find ourselves in a swampy marsh type land and all of our socks and shoes and completely wet which makes hiking that much more fun. We finally make it all the way down and by the time we found a good enough place to stay its 8:45. We eat our astronaut food purify our water, make another bear bag and go to bed.

Sunday- This day was dedicated to rest and that I did. I spent most of the entire day in my hammock which was pretty incredible considering all I could see was mountains everywhere. That night as we are getting ready to end the night it starts raining, a lot. In case you didn't know that nights in the Rocky mountains are already freezing cold but rain just makes that worse. We leave our dry nice shelter area put up that bear bag again, in the rain, and run back to our tent. I didn't sleep much that night either from all the sleep I had that day, or the fact that I was cold and wet and was using my also wet hoodie as a pillow.

Monday- This was probably the best day we had all week. We started our 7 mile hike back through the mountains. We decide to get off the trail and use a map and compass to find our way back. During this time its starts to rain, no big deal we have rain gear and will be fine. Then it starts raining harder and harder and lightening all around us. Its a pretty cool feeling when your leader tells you to spread out in case one of us gets struck by lightening, that's when adrenaline hit. The sky soon clears up and we make it to our next site for the day. That night as we were placing the bear bag in the tree I was hoping that a bear would at least try to get our food and as soon as I thought that I see something out of the conner of my eye move. I couldn't believe what I saw. I shine my light into the eyes of a huge, brown, furry, monstrous, snarling you guessed it deer! Yeah it was pretty crazy, the look in mother deer's eyes was insane and you could tell she was out of blood. We barely escaped and made it back to camp.

Tuesday- We finally make it back to the van drive to the nearest food establishment and I eat probably one of the best burgers I have ever had the pleasure of eating. We make our drive down through New Mexico and camp in oklahoma for the night.

Now that I'm home safely sitting in my apartment thinking back on the trip I realize just how awesome of a trip it really was. To be so far from civilization and other people that whenever a plane flew over those passengers were the closest humans was a incredible thought. I'm really looking forward to these next 9 months.

Fine Annie Paige I will put you in my blog.

Later, JG



Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Ok maybe David Cox isn't that bad.

Well these last two days have been pretty interesting. I left Tulsa yesterday and flew straight to Memphis and during my layover I soon found out that my flight home was canceled. So I ended up staying in this pretty gross hotel, that the airline paid for, and a pretty gross dinner, which the airline paid for, and slept in a pretty gross bed. As perturbed as I was the night was completely worth it because of what happened next. As I was walking to my room I noticed a sign pointing to a workout room. Since I had nowhere to go and nothing to do I decided to work off some frustration. It's a pretty great feeling walking into a gym and being the strongest person in the room immediately. I mean that's not saying much considering it was a Tuesday night and my competition was a portly adolescent who clearly must have been home schooled at some point of his life, a woman, and a Elvis impersonator. Naturally when Elvis walked in I took a few creeper pics on my phone because I was so confused as to why he was even in there. The pics were not enough I had to talk to him, so I inched my way over and respectfully asked why he was in Memphis. I now understand how stupid of a question that was because everyone knows its Elvis week at Graceland in Memphis. I soon found out he was from LA and we talked sports, talked sports meaning I talked intelligent sports he just cussed a lot, and I asked him why he was working out since he was an Elvis impersonator. I mean didn't Elvis die on the toilet from obesity?

The next day I wake up at 4:15 to catch my next flight. I arrive in Atlanta and realize there is a flight leaving for Greensboro an hour earlier than the flight I'm scheduled to take. I talked to the nice Delta lady and she told me there was a hefty charge to change the flight. I explained they canceled my flight and that I needed to get home and explained that I'm John DeChamp Grant so needless to say she changed my flight for free. Yeah that really did happen. I go to my gate and soon realize that the flight I had just switched to was now delayed an hour and my original flight was leaving ten minutes later. The flight was now full and they were asking if anyone would be able to give up there seat. Me being the sweet kind hearted young man that I am offered my seat, and they may or may not have offered me a $200 flight card for taking a later flight (1o minutes later). This was awesome because I will be flying back to Oklahoma next week. Well my flight gets even more delayed because there is a dent in the side of it but not to worry because they will have it ready for flight in 30 minutes. So my flight ended up not being full, they took my card away and put me on the dangerous plane. I finally made it home and after much napping, eating, and lots of sports center I think I may pull through.

Oh yeah my summer was great and I have big plans for this year, but that's for a later time.

"Well, the good thing is even though I'm one of the worst players on the planet, I might be able to beat you. So I do feel good about that. Yes. Definitely"- Tiger Woods

Later, JG